What is a Soul Wound and do I have one?

"Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me." -Michael Scott 

It is always on the day that I have to go to Iowa City for a doctor’s appointment. I don’t know if there is something about the hospital that makes me more reflective, more melancholy, or if it is just by chance. I don’t know if it is the voices inside my head, or if it is the enemy attacking my spirit. The one thing that I do know is that on days that I go to Iowa City for a doctor’s appointment, I feel devastatingly alone. 

It is not the same kind of alone as just being by yourself. It is isolation; the feeling of being unloved and unneeded; the feeling of being forgotten. I feel like I am Gollum sitting alone on his island on the pool in the Misty Mountains. The only thing I can hear other than the dripping and the echos are my thoughts… and they are not kind. 

“I say to God, my rock, Why have you forgotten me? Why must I walk about mournfully because the enemy oppresses me” - David 

In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. And out of chaos, God created the air, the sky, the earth (and fire for you Avatar fans out there). He creates every creature, big and tall. Creatures that swim, fly, crawl and everything in between. He creates beautiful gardens and fills the earth with wonders. God the artist is at work.

His favorite creation, though, is made out of the dust of the earth. It has the breath of life breathed into it from God himself. (Gen 2:7) It is a man and he is created in God’s image. He is like God. And just like God lives within the community of the trinity (Father, Son, Holy Spirit), He creates man to be in relationship. So He creates woman to be his helpmate, his lover, and his friend. (Gen 2:18-23) 

He gives them work to do that they will enjoy. “Fill the earth, subdue it and have dominion.” (Gen 1:29-39) They share in the work of God, ruling over creation. God provided for them everything they needed. They had no wants. God only had one boundary. “the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall die.” (Gen 2:17). 

God looks at his creation. It is very good. (Gen 1:31) And then he rests. (Gen 2:2) 

Then the Lord God formed a man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being. (Genesis 2:7)

My feeling of loneliness is not good. It is not what God wants for me. It is not even close to the truth. I have a wife that loves me more than anyone else could. I have a family that is always there and is always supportive. I have deep, close friends, and a Kingdom community in my church. The truest thing is that I am never alone. I abide in my Abba Father. He never leaves or forsakes me. I am always in his presence. God is constantly saying “For I, the Lord your God, hold your right hand. It is I who say to you ‘Do not fear, for I will help you’” (Isaiah 41:13).

So why am I gripped by such a feeling of isolation? Why do I continually go back to the lie that I am alone and unloved? The reason I return to these feelings is because of an affliction that each of us has, “Soul wounds.” 

A “soul wound” is a belief that has been inflicted upon you that is held so deep that it distorts the vision of your identity and the world around you. Each of us has soul wounds. Some have wounds that say “I do not belong.” Some say “You can't trust anyone. They are all out to get you.” Many of us just believe that we are not loved and are unworthy of love.

A soul wound can be inflicted from several different places. It can be accidentally inflicted by your parents in the way you were raised. It can be from a trusted friend or an old rival. Teachers, coaches, old bosses, all of these can have inflicted a soul wound upon you. There are even times that it is the enemy speaking right into you, distorting your inner voice, corrupting the very way that you view yourself. 

“ I was afraid because I was naked, So I hid…” Adam 

“For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God.” Adam could hear a voice talking to Eve.. It was said almost in a whisper, like the very first secret being shared. But what was the most different about the words than anything he had heard before was the message being shared. He could be like God.

He could be like God. That meant he was not like God. It meant that he was not enough...

 He was a killer from the very start. He couldn’t stand the truth because there wasn’t a shred of truth in him. - Jesus (John 8:44) 

With that first lie, Satan inflicted the first soul wound upon Adam. Adam’s vision of the reality of who he was was shaken. And because he did not rightly view himself it led him to the first sin. Mankind has struggled with sin ever since. 

The largest problem with soul wounds is not the accompanying feeling of hurt, but that they drive us to sin. Like the wound that told Adam that he was not enough, our woundedness drives us to do things that grieve God’s heart. When we do not believe that we are loved or lovable, we may look for love in dark and secret places. When we believe that there is no security to be had in the world, we can build up walls and hurt those around us for the sake of safety. 

An untreated soul wound always leads to sin. 

We will discuss next time how to be aware of what your soul wound is and how to treat it. 

I would love to hear from you! What are the wounds that you see most in the people around you? 

Please comment, like and subscribe today! 

New Blogpost Tuesday!

Spiritual Exercise: Beginning Personal Formation

5 Minutes Towards Spiritual Formation

“Allow me to assist you” - Dr. Strange 

I have a passion for Spiritual Formation. I am a bible and theology nerd. I choose to spend a good amount of reading, thinking and discussing writers like N.T. Wright and C.S. Lewis. If you look at the podcasts I listen to, you will find “The Bible Project” and “Kingdom Roots” (along with a healthy dosage of “MTG” podcasts). But at my core, God has given me a passion for Spiritual Formation through the traditional disciplines. 

My aim for this blog exists to give fodder for discussion about spiritual formation and, at best, give tools for people to practice spiritual formation in their daily lives. I hope to be able to help you experience an abiding relationship with God; to engage with scripture in new ways; to grow deeper through traditional disciplines; to gain a perception of yourself through tools like the Enneagram. 

When people hear the word “disciplines” or “formation”, they get bored or scared. They think of exercise or schoolwork. Many people may have baggage from earlier spirituality with the language of the disciplines. They would rather not spend their time isolated from society in the desert, fasting and meditating in silence. Some people may be afraid of falling into “spiritual mysticism” that leads to theology lacking in truth and that is all feeling. 

“ Whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life” -Jesus 

At the center of every person’s being is a soul that is starving for more of God. It longs to be near to Him. It is a deeper longing than a child at summer camp who longs for home. It is an intenser longing than two youthful sweethearts that are forced apart by two warring families. It is deeper than how Anakin Skywalker longs for Padme, or how a Hobbit longs for “The One Ring”. It is a deeper longing than in any long-distance relationship. 

That deep longing can solely be satisfied through an abiding relationship with God. It can only be satisfied by learning to walk in his abiding love. The only thing that can satisfy the thirst of the soul is abiding in God’s closeness. 

Through Spiritual Formation, we learn to be more aware of God’s closeness throughout our days. We learn to abide with Him in all of the activities of life. Work, pleasure, rest and labor; we abide by God in each of these. We begin to discover words of guidance for what to do and where to go. We hear words of peace when our hearts are troubled. He shares words of Love and affirmation. As we learn to abide with God, we learn that we are never truly alone. 

“ Refuse to be content with just the knowledge of God. But insist on experiencing His presence.

Kerri Weems”

When we abide with God, we learn to listen to His guiding voice. God will guide us to people and places where we will enter with Him in His mission of grace, truth, and love (creation restoration; Kingdom work; these are all truths of what God calls us to do.) 

Sometimes fear will try to steal in as God calls us into environments that we feel ill-equipped for or even unworthy of.  But God promises that He walks into those places with us. (Exodus 4:12-16). He will give us words for people; he will lead our actions. We are never alone when we abide with God. 

Sometimes we are victims to the voices in our heads. We hear voices of the past (parents, teachers, friends) saying “ You are not good enough”, “ You are not loved” or “ you could never do a good satisfying job”. Sometimes it’s the lies of the enemy attacking our spirits with lies of shame and condemnation. But as we learn to abide in God, we will hear his voice. “You are accepted” (Romans 15:7) “You are Loved” (1 John 3:12) “ You are not a slave to that Sin “(Romans 6:6) 

“I am going on an Adventure!” - Bilbo Baggins 

Commencing a spiritual formation journey can feel daunting. There are so many different writing and so many different exercises and expressions. There is so much to learn. And it will be an adventure. The journey will be full of hills and valleys. There will be feasts full of joy and struggles for the heart. You will have mountain-top experiences and nights in the deepest valleys. But like all journeys, there has to be a beginning. So like Bilbo in “The Hobbit”, grab your walking stick and come along with me yelling, “I’m going on an Adventure”! 

For the start of your adventure, try this exercise. Begin as any things should begin, in prayer. It does not have to be fancy or full of good theology. It does not need to be a word for word scripture back to God. Prayer is at its core just talking to God. St. Teresa …”  prayer, in my opinion, is nothing else than an intimate sharing between friends; it means taking time frequently to be alone with Him who we know loves us.” For your beginning, start with only telling God how you feel. 

Close your eyes and just start talking to God. If you are anxious or scared, tell God that you are anxious and frightened. Tell him why. If your angry, tell God your angry. If you have joy down in your heart, tell God about that. The exercise is meant to just get you speaking to God. And after you have concluded, if you are comfortable, perhaps try listening for God to respond. 

Spiritual Excercise: Starting Your Adventure 

Supplies: None required. Notebook and Pen (recommended if you need to write out prayer) 

Duration: 5 minutes 

Instructions: Close your eyes. Listen to your feelings. Tell God how you feel. Listen for his voice. 

Scripture Anchor: “Then when you call upon me and come and pray to me, I will hear you.” Jeremiah 29:12